The dizzying stillness...

A stormy Monday. Time to put on the holey sweater, crank up the Popol Vuh, and download some thoughts before getting on with the day. As a gesture of uncensorship, I'll start here. Once the sting of humiliation sets in, I'll move on to the privacy of a Word doc. Opt out now amigos, or forever hold your pieces...

I've been exiled to a colossal confusion lately that's not entirely unpleasant. Peculiar freedoms arise when the usual ones disappear. This is a confusion of anxiety, not depression. Even quiet moments, it feels like a pack of wild dogs is chasing me out of the garden of youth. Which way to go? What choices to make? Which stick to pull from the Jenga pile? It's exhausting and exhilarating as only things can be when everything is a potential option. There can also be a paralyzing effect.

Can you visualize a thousand enviable futures and yet still feel pressed up against a glass wall? I can. The ego let's me think I'm on a glass slide under god's microscope. Of course it's probably my own scrutiny I can't escape. I can see the world and the things I want and yet everything seems out of grasp. In other words, the visualization and the actualization aren't connecting. They seem to run parallel, i.e. you can be on one track (potential) or the other (action). If you try to apply your ideas from the potential track to the action track, you simply derail and spin off into the mud flats where forward progress halts, but your head remains spinning like one of Duchamp's rotoreliefs. So that's where I'm at today. Of course, the rain helps set the mood. Tomorrow I'll be on the action track and embarrassed by all this navel gazing. So it goes... ok switching over. Thanks for listening!

Update: Barbaro improving, chances 50-50.

Best Duchamp site here.











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