If only she could talk...

Koko, the "talking" gorilla, for those of you who are wondering, is alive and well. She is 35 years old and living in California. She has plans to move to Hawaii in the near future. She needs to escape all the hubbub surrounding her recent sexual harassment suits.

Yes dear readers, society has reached a new litigious low. An ape has been dragged into several prolonged court cases on account of her alleged nipple fetish. I'm just going to cut and paste from Wikipedia here, so enjoy...

"Koko has been involved in several sexual harassment lawsuits. At least three former employees, all female, have claimed that they were pressured into showing their breasts to Koko. They alleged that Dr. Patterson [Koko's primary keeper] encouraged the behavior, often interpreted Koko's signs as requests for nipple display, and let them know that their job would be in danger if they 'did not indulge Koko's nipple fetish.' Koko has been known to playfully grab both male and female nipples without warning or provocation. Dr. Patterson claims that Koko uses the word "nipple" to refer to humans. All claims of harassment have been permanently dropped as of 21 November 2005 after the foundation and the parties involved reached a settlement."

Considering the fact that a silverback gorilla is capable of tearing the engine out of a truck, I would think twice before offering my nipples to one, eloquent or not. But since it is the good doctor who keeps insisting that Koko really likes sweater puppies, one has to wonder who the real fetishist in this case might be...

All of which goes to say, was Sen. John McCain really asleep at Bush's State of the Union address last night? If so, Koko has the perfect wake up remedy.