Gazpachotmole...

With fat, ripe avocados hanging from the branches everywhere you look in my neck of the woods, you'd better have a good, fast guacamole recipe ready to go. Here's mine:

The main thing for all you non-Californians is to get good ingredients. The skin of the avocado should be wrinkly and almost black - like a petrified bull testicle that is soft to the touch. Mmmm.

The other key ingredient can either be homemade or store bought. Salsa (picante). Splurge on a fresh delicious salsa as spicy as you like (I like it spicy). Just make sure there are NO PICKLED PEPPERS in the salsa, like pepperoncinis. They will dominate the flavor of the guac in a bad way. Good salsa. No peppers. Fresher the better.

Now, cut an avocado in half lengthwise. Squeeze each half into a medium sized bowl mushing the meat as it slips through the skin. DO NOT THROW OUT THE PIT. Leave it in the bowl with the avocado. This will prevent your guac from turning gray. Honest. Why? "Because it thinks it is still in the cage," a Greek woman told me while in Mexico. Got it?

So do this again. Three large avocados will make enough guac for four or five people. You can add garlic if you like, but make sure it's fresh as hell and slice it thin thin thin like they did in Goodfellas (with a razor blade). Don't mix it up yet. You want chunky mole. Leave the pits in.

OK, now dump a good amount (a handful?) of fresh salsa on top of the avocados. Sprinkle some sea salt around, and then a nice finely chopped handful of fresh cilantro. Now you can mush it up, leaving chunks but making sure the salt gets well mixed in. No need for crushed black pepper, but go ahead if you like.

Lastly, you can squeeze some fresh lemon or lime juice (no more than 1/2 fruit) into the mole. Mix one last time and serve with blue chips and Margaritas on the rocks (without triple sec - no mixing, no congeners, no hangover!). Now you pepper lovers can stick some sliced yellow and red peppers in for aesthetic reasons. But for the love of Mole, forget the pickled peppers, please! Bad idea. Now go on, Enjoy.