Cobras are cheapskates...

Bet you didn't know that cobras are the stingiest creatures in the entire animal kingdom. Shameless poison hoarders they are. Even when manhandled to the point of total embarrassment, by a baby, this frugal snake refuses to let go of a single drop of its venom. Saving it for a rainy day you chintzy serpent? Let me tell you something: when a baby disrespects you this badly and a camera is rolling - trust me, it's a rainy day you cheap sidewinder. We're on to you... You don't scare us anymore with your flat head, waxy eyes, and your vaguely effeminate hissing. Until we see you pony up some deadly snake juice, until you cough up the cobra spit, maybe you just want to borrow my Celine Dion CDs and do some babysitting on the weekends? Don't believe the hype. Snakes are cheap and girly. You heard it here first.