Lightning bolts from biblical skies...

I'm sorely missing the impassioned way over-the-top voices of great preachers in our society. Rev. Jeremiah Wright, I'm not sure of your greatness, but have a seat at my table. A for effort! There's something about mad fire and brimstone talk that makes me sit up straight and allow my brain to catch on fire. Unfortunately, I think many people who make a living through their oratorical gifts today are selling used cars in Alabama, or fondling choir boys behind the alter. I'm not an overtly religious man, but with a good set of pipes, a penchant for dime-store philosophizing, and an ability to rant (not to mention a non-interest in used cars or choir boys), I believe I have it in me to make a fine preacher. Actually, when I visited my high-school career counselor, a perfunctory personality test suggested I was suited to be a clergyman or a forest ranger. What the hell? From there I gladly plunged into the River of Death! It's been a long swim upstream my friends...

("Falls of Despair" preaching diagram, 1895, by the great Pentecostal holy-roller, Martin Wells Knapp)