Vespa Polo (and the Unocycle)...

That's right. You heard it here first. Polo on Vespas. But why? Polo is expensive, well out of the budget range of your average urban sportsman. Let's not even talk about sharing an apartment with a string of ponies. My solution is simple: Vespa polo.

Scooters (which include Vespas) are fuel efficient, relatively inexpensive, highly adaptable, and can turn on a dime (if the dime is larger than a manhole cover). And just about any swatch of unused grass in the urban jungle can be appropriated for a few quick chukkas. Three scooters to a team (to minimize collisions) and mallets made with flexible shafts so they will bend if they get caught in another scooter's mechanics. I expect some blood. A few casualties here and there. Hard sports demand heroics. And after the victors have taken their victory lap, all the good citizens who've gathered to watch you in the heat of gamesmanship, can run out and replace the divots and skid marks. Just like they do at Old Westbury!

I know, you're thinking about the image. That's Forrest Myers on his legendary "Unocycle" - a 1973 fully-functioning kinetic art object built from a 90cc Honda motorcycle, modified to hold a rider upright in an inner channel as the outer channel (the tire) revolves. Pretty cool. I'd allow this vehicle to participate in Vespa Polo, only if each side had one. Oh and, if one-wheeled vehicles are your thing, I would recommend that you have a look at this.

And, yes, I am aware that some Silicon Valley billionerds have already attempted to get Segway polo off the ground. As you will see from this exhilarating showcase, there's not gonna be much of a (**yawn**) future in that.